virtual zine-like on my love for a certain song...
tldr: love cartoon smile by oli xl so much i could implode ngl
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2022 - 2023 - 2024 - ...
main additions for-now-yearly around nov 30 (day of song release in '21), but small tweaks can be beyond then
| so, it's late november 2022, there's this tune i love that's now been out for almost a year...
|
there's been some sort of special connection sprouting between this little tune and me, and i'm feeling like elaborating on this a little!!! >:)
and on some little special moments i've had, enhanced by this, whilst it's been accompanying me a lot a lot* throughout the year... *3991 listens as per my last.fm... |
| even one time early on in me appreciating the song the fireworks sounds in the outro made me think about lovely times i'd had one new year's eve, spent with friends for once
[and it's especially really cute because the synthbit of the outro was done by ingrate who's a friend of oli's :,)] |
(happycried about it a lot right after i'd got to bed the morning after, and when the song made me think of it too) |
the various times of looking at nature while listening to it...
 |
(midsummer '22, late evening bus omw to hanging out w friends. beautiful golden hour, the thought of the busful of lil journeys... felt dissolved in the love i was feeling, in the best way)
...have been quite moving as well...! |
| (early sept '22, caught the sunset at the lake while on a walk, lingered beneath some trees looking at it, listened to the tune on loop.
thought about my friends, and how i keep thinking of em upon seeing things i associate with em... *sits down under one of the trees and cries* type beat) |
and the little common thread of the feeling of... belonging, perchance, really means a lot, as someone who felt lonely a lot as a kid |
| but well, i mean, sure, could have these sorts of moments without this song too, or with some other song, or whatever, bla-bla (and i have, for sure) |
but
something really lovely to me about how i've currently kind of been letting this song in particular thread itself thru all these little moments, shed light upon all these little connections... music as powerful antidote to loneliness, or whatnot <3 |
and also inspires me to seek out more of what makes my heart sing like that...
 |
and just, idk, makes me more glad in general to exist, and that my beloved ones exist, and the lovely connections, etc
thank u oli (hope the world is kind to u) thank u world (despite the awful parts) |
| and like, the little vocal part I LOVE THE LITTLE VOCAL PART i have no idea how it resonates with me so much but it does!!!! like i really do want to find myself within more moments that make my heart sing like that | if you just so happen to be oli himself and you see this - ummmmmm hii... :') |
| end of november 2023 now
i forget how it was last year but both by now and two years ago it's been very snowy already where i live - feels special and some rational part of me has been trying to make sense of how the song still resonates with me so much at times |
while it's still occasionally been weaving thru moments i've been in, or those it's pinged my mind to somehow
and that's a beautiful thing, to enjoy as it is really, without trying to put some reason to it. |
| for instance... around midsummer '23, as i was pulling up in my hometown by late evening bus after a sweetest day, as i was listening to it, i swear i saw a couple kids excitedly wave at the bus from roadside.
the combo near made me genuinely bawl - it really stuck to me moments of connection however brief |
it feels like a deliberate choice sometimes to keep coming back to the tune. but really what is true love of whichever kind if not a choice
and the song in general so, so beautiful to me still, with all of its details (oli once told me 'wait til u hear the rest !!!!' at my appreciation... i'm so eager for the album) |
but yeah also the moments, they've stacked up over time, sometimes it feels like...
& having something like cartoon smile really helps to tether them all and Feel Into It All, means lots to me like this |
& maybe it's crazy how u can create something and it can touch someone's heart like that
but it's also crazy how u can (be)hold something and it can touch ur heart like that it might feel silly at times, with all the fucked up shit in the world too, but this helps me exist warmer, lighter (like a warmly lit window in the night) |
| hey - 2024 now. it's been 3 years. you know the drill.
not snowy at all this time around, only been a bit yet. hopefully more soon... i keep grasping at various metaphors sometimes to contain my still deep-sprawling love for cartoon smile. |
even told oli not long ago that i won't yap at him directly any more about this. there's still a lot ‒ it'd be too much!!
unintended side effect ‒ more space to process this love in peace, without some vague inner nagging to express it. i appreciate it. and, implied sidenote: find me here instead! |
| sometimes all this feels like a little seed of some tree got planted in my heart proverbial when the song dropped...
it seems to grow. seed to sprout to quite healthy sapling. tree of big love, tree of sweet moments. cartoon smile tree. |
certainly feels like something to nurture, in some sense.
& i gladly do (even if more passively in ebb moments). |
or, entertaining a different kind of thought...
 |
y'know, when u bake something and it gives off some rly comforting smell, whatever it may be, and it permeates ur whole living space if not beyond...
this is how it feels like at times for me, fills all the gaps within me with this fulfillingly comforting scent for a bit. <3 |
