a little virtual zine-like thing?
about my appreciation of a certain song...
tldr: love cartoon smile so much i could implode ngl
p.s. this will look better in desktop view
but looks ok enough on mobile too imo
| so, it's late november 2022, there's this tune i love that's now been out for almost a year...
(oli xl - cartoon smile) |
there's been some sort of special connection sprouting btwn this little tune and me, and i'm feeling like elaborating on this a little!!! >:)
and on some little special moments i've had, enhanced by this, whilst it's been accompanying me a lot a lot throughout the year... |
| even early on in me appreciating the song there was a lil moment where the fireworks sounds in the outro made me think about lovely times i'd had one new year's eve
( and it's especially really cute because the synthbit of the outro was done by a friend of oli's, too :') ) |
(i'd spent that nye with friends, for once. and kept happycrying about it right after i'd got to bed the morning after lmao) |
and the variety of times of looking at nature while listening to it... |
(midsummer '22, late evening bus omw to hanging out w friends. beautiful golden hour, the thought of the busful of lil journeys... felt dissolved in the love i was feeling, in the best way)
...has been quite moving as well...! |
| (early sept '22, caught the sunset at the lake while on a walk, lingered beneath some trees looking at it, listened to the tune on loop.
thought about my friends, and how i keep thinking of em upon seeing things i associate with em... *sits down under one of the trees and cries* type beat) |
and the little common thread of the feeling of... belonging, perchance... really means a lot, as someone who felt lonely a lot as a kid |
| but well, i mean, sure, could have these sorts of moments without this song too, or with some other song, or whatever, bla-bla (and i have, for sure) |
but
something really lovely to me about how i've currently kind of been letting this song in particular thread itself thru all these little moments, shed light upon all these little connections, despite everything... music as powerful antidote to loneliness, or whatnot <3 |
and also inspires me to seek out more of what makes my heart sing like that...
 |
and just, idk, makes me more glad in general to exist, and that my beloved ones exist, and other good people and such too
thank u oli (hope the world is kind to u) thank u world (despite the awful parts) |
| and like, the little vocal part I LOVE THE LITTLE VOCAL PART i have no idea how it resonates with me so much but it does!!!! like i really do want to find myself within more moments that make my heart sing like that | if you just so happen to be oli himself and you see this - ummmmmm hii... :') |
| end of november 2023 now
i forget how it was last year but both by now and two years ago it's been very snowy already where i live - feels special and some rational part of me has been trying to make sense of how the song still resonates with me so much at times |
while it's still occasionally been weaving thru moments i've been in, or those it's pinged my mind to somehow
and that's a beautiful thing, to enjoy as it is really, without trying to put some reason to it. |
| for instance... around midsummer '23, as i was pulling up in my hometown by late evening bus after a sweetest day, as i was listening to it, i swear i saw a couple kids excitedly wave at the bus from roadside.
the combo near made me genuinely bawl - it really stuck to me moments of connection however brief |
it feels like a deliberate choice sometimes to keep coming back to the tune. but really what is real love of whichever kind if not a choice
and the song in general so, so beautiful to me still, with all of its details (oli told me 'wait til u hear the rest !!!!' once, at my appreciation... i'm so eager for the album) |
but yeah also the moments, they've stacked up over time, sometimes it feels like...
& having something like cartoon smile really helps to tether them all and Feel Into It All, means lots to me like this |
& maybe it's crazy how u can create something and it can touch someone's heart like that
but it's also crazy how u can (be)hold something and it can touch ur heart like that it might feel silly at times, with all the fucked up shit in the world too, but why else should i persist than for moments like this... |